You took the time and effort to get to know me
My heart
My mind
My thoughts
My behavioural patterns
My body
My actions
You get me, exactly how I need to be - Gotten
Exactly how I need to be sought and
You love me.
You LOVE me.
Me?
A little girl searching for her identity
Trying to understand why I flee
Why I run
Why I’m scared to be vulnerable
Cause I don’t like my own thoughts
I don’t like my actions and how they make me react and
I don’t always like me
I’m disappointed in me
But you?
You are great, infinite, mighty, wise, kind
all of that and more intertwined
You made me bold with strength in my soul
David’s words not mine
but it’s the same spirit he experienced
flooding through his spine,
tingling in his fingers
inspiring him to write
That does the same for mine
You know my thoughts before I think them
You envelope me with your protection
Surrounded, engulfed, overwhelmed
By your love
This love that truly doesn’t make sense
It’s too much
It’s pure
It’s forgiving
It’s you
Why are you always trying to skip ahead?
You head, you mind of mine?
Why can’t you just stop
And see that you are fine
Cause Christ calls you ‘mine’
He’s mined and searched and dug all night
An actual excavation
A lifetime’s worth of preservation
Is where my secrets and iniquity lie
Yet you take the time
You choose to have the time
To mine and search and dig up my mind
Layer by layer
Thought by thought
Wave by wave
Transmission by transmission
Each one handled with such precision
I have a vision of you
Tired and worn out
in that ditch
I create daily,
those situations I can’t explain
But you keep going
The job isn’t done until my soul is won
Over and over again
You touch me and everything feels okay again
Suddenly I can breathe again
I can see again
The mud and saliva
All mixed to establish my survival
This intimacy is like none other
No one gets us
Our relationship is the only one I can trust
The only one I can thrust myself into
Wholeheartedly
Because even when I don’t ‘feel’ like it
Even when I’d rather curl up in my bed and cry
You look me in the eye
And say: ‘baby girl, it’s time’
time we talk this out
Time we sort this out
Time we remove the doubt
Let’s be honest
Let’s be free
Let’s be naked
Shall we?
In my lowest of lows
In my highest of highs
You are there, you are kind
I can’t hide
I won’t thrive
Without you by my side
Without you in my mind
Without you in my sight
Without you as my light
Even when I will bad things
You are there to spin them
Into goodness
Into what you say I deserve
You see it all
You want it all
As dirty and sour as it all is
As confused as I am
As stupid as I feel
Is this really what is making me feel?
I want to be stone cold
I don’t wanna have blisters
I don’t wanna mould fear to be my crutch
But it sucks
Because that seems to be what’s stuck
All my life
Scared and afraid of the night
Afraid I’ll be the reason for my own demise
‘What’s good about this day?’
I struggle to articulate
I struggle to be that sunshine everyone seems to hail
‘You’re so full of joy, so positive’
Sometimes I feel the opposite
And then it makes me positive
That maybe I’m not okay
Maybe my smile is fake
Maybe the pain is the only thing that feels safe
I try to put the lights off
But you’ve kept them on
Permanently
I can’t even try to be
Depressed
As hard as I try
Because you’ve given me something
You’ve given me life
With you
And we will live happily ever after
Because you are my rafter in the storm
You are my ice lolly when it’s warm
You are my anchor when I swarm and sway
Influenced by the waves
My thoughts that come in various shades
Some dark
Some light
Some just so bad I can’t even begin to highlight
It’s all the same to you
Thoughts you want to know
Thoughts you will hold in your hands
And transform to feel like peace
No matter my plan
Cause yours is better
(I can finally admit)
I think I know my body
But I still learn new things
As I grow daily
But you made me
So you know how things work
How they operate
How they were formed
Your factory is intense man
Making us humans so complex man
Yet our complexity still reeks of simplicity to you
Our ways not your ways
Thoughts ? Nah, they’re not yours
Extraordinary
Extra: we’re to be boasted about
Ordinary: we’re nothing without you
Your favourite creation
You saw us and were extremely happy
Wow, I make you that happy?
Who is me?
Who am I?
Just a little child
That still yearns to be by your side.
LET'S BE FRANK 