Let's Write


You know when you listen to a song and then listen some more and soon enough it’s all that you hear within your day? Except it’s all there because you’ve refused to stop listening to it and you become so accustomed to the melodies, the lyrics – you feel like you composed it yourself, lmao. However, I noticed something today. Despite being obsessed with Maverick City Music’s, ‘Refiner’ and getting so lost in worship each time I listened, the lyrics hadn’t made sense to me until today.

I woke up from a worrying dream, one that truly scared me and left me confused all at the same damn time. ‘Twas a restless night in general and waking up felt…disheartening. I began to profess, ‘the devil is a liar, he’s stepping on my neck and I don’t like it!!!’ Although the former is facts, the latter was disputable because before I knew it the Spirit began to speak to me. His voice got louder as I played ‘Refiner’ for thousandth time and he brought my attention to the lyrics (which mind you, are constantly repeated throughout the song so iono how I missed it, LOL).

I wanna be tried by fire
You take whatever you desire
Lord here’s my life

– ‘Refiner’, Maverick City Music ft. Steffany Gretzinger & Chandler Moore

This whole time, I hadn’t realised I had been professing that I wanted to be ‘tried by fire’ and ‘purified.’ I didn’t gauge that in actual fact I had been telling God that I wanted transformation in my life, growth, to attain greater levels of purity but alas, here I was afraid and perplexed at Him simply drawing to my attention an area that we needed to work on, purity-wise.

Do you ever forget what you prayed for?

Because I have been forgetting so much lately. But God doesn’t forget. He gives you what you need, when you need it, as you need it.

“he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep”

Psalms 121:3-4

Suddenly a peace came over me and I was reminded of this word from Tasha Cobbs Leonard:

God will break you to position YOU
Break you to promote you
And break you to put you in your right place
But when He breaks you He doesn’t hurt you, He doesn’t
When He breaks you He doesn’t destroy you, He does it with; grace

– ‘Gracefully Broken’, Tasha Cobbs Leonard

I asked to be ‘tried by fire’, the process doesn’t sound like it would be pretty in the slightest but it’s worth it. Because if it means I am shedding off old habits, behavioural traits that cannot be carried into this next season, this next version of Tolz then so be it.

I am grateful for the Holy Spirit. And though so many layers of my past and present are being plucked at recently and it hurts like a m*rv%!eck£we, we’re growing. And growth in the Spirit is all I could ask for and more. I want that glow only God can give me, that glow that’s developed in the hidden place and is used to glorify His name.

So let the games begin. I know even in the fire, He’s with me – ever present, never leaving nor forsaking.

And He’s with you too.

He answered and said, “But I see four men unbound, walking in the midst of the fire, and they are not hurt; and the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods.”

Daniel 3:25


I meaaan, you guessed it. It’s none other than what is my ultimate favourite song rn: ‘Refiner’ by Maverick City Music ft. (a babe) Steffany Gretzinger & Chandler Moore.

This song truly needs no introduction I just pray you are thoroughly blessed as you listen:

Sending Peace & Love your way (always)

By Tolz 👑

My thoughts are best expressed by writing.
So that's what I do - I write.

It's how I make sense of it all.
My prayer is that someone somewhere is blessed or is able to relate to what I write.

"Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them..." ~ Romans 12:6

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